More Book Feedback

So the lady at the literary agency who's been reading my manuscript finally sent her detailed comments on the manuscript. All in all, it's about as good as I could hope for--my head is still chewing and digesting, and there's a lot I'll have to talk about with her, but it sounds like I'm finally moving the ball down the field a little more, which is always a nice feeling. Anyway, here's what she had to say, minus the preambles and what-not:

I finished RESISTANCE and I wanted to share some thoughts with you. First of all, you’re really an excellent writer. You are obviously incredibly knowledgeable about the time period and your subject. I felt like I learned so much! And I kept going back to Wikipedia because there were things I wanted to learn even more about! The manuscript is exciting, dramatic, epic, and thought-provoking. Going in, I knew almost nothing about the Czech resistance (and that’s probably giving myself too much credit), and now I feel like an expert. The facts are so ensconced within the action, though, that it doesn’t feel like a history lesson. It’s just compelling drama. The dialogue is natural and the characters are vivid. You should be very proud of what you’ve created!


My overall concern right now is that, while the individual sections are compelling on their own, the manuscript as a whole feels inconsistent. The manuscript is very long, as I am sure you know. It stands at about 200,000 words now. There are parts that can be tightened and others that can be excised – I’ll get to specifics in a moment – but it’s going to be a long novel no matter what. In order for a reader to invest all that time in the book, he needs to feel invested in the characters and the story, and the sections are so disparate right now, that that’s hard to achieve. For example, Moravec is our hero in Part I. Our emotions rise and fall with Moravec. We like him. He’s exciting and his story is pretty thrilling. His story is not close to being over by the time Part I comes to a close, but our connection with him severs then and there. When he reappears in Part II, he is a minor character, and I wasn’t sure whether to root for him, sympathize with him, or detest him. So I felt nothing at all – nothing for the character who carried the previous 50,000 words. The same notion is true for Kubic in the transition from Part II to Part III. I think there needs to be much more of a connection between the three parts, even if there are changing perspectives.

That ties in to the next note I have. In Part II, the shifting perspectives can be jarring, and also make the novel feel inconsistent. It’s okay that the narrator changes from Part I, but it is not a full shift from Moravec to Kubic. You alternate between first person (Kubic), first person omniscient (Kubic reports personally about events he could have no knowledge of), and third person. This gives the manuscript a confused, unpolished feel. My suggestion would be to stick with a first-person p.o.v. in Part II because that would be consistent with the parts that bookend it. Since there is so much ground to cover, and since this section is the longest, I feel like you can have two first-person narrators. Kubic, and possibly Heydrich, or even circle back to Moravec. I’d LOVE to have his perspective and understand his motivations for turning his back on the Czechs and the Masaryk legacy. The German explanation sounds dubious (even if it’s true) for the simple fact that the Germans are the villains!

Another note about perspective in Part II is that Kubic, as a character, is much too silent. When he is involved in conversations, he barely opens his mouth. I understand that he is known for being taciturn, but I kept forgetting he was in certain scenes. He seems to have trouble double-tasking – narrating a scene and participating in it. There are definitely scenes where you can give him lines you are now giving the Josefs, or other characters.

I also suggest exaggerating the romance between Kubic and Anna. This is an epic work. That romance should contrast his mission and be just as emotionally powerful. See if there are places where you can insert some chemistry, passion, longing. A little something for the ladies ;)

As for tightening the manuscript, you’ll probably find the most to cut in Part II. Digressions here and there. Stories and anecdotes inserted for comic value. Use your discretion, though. If there are certain anecdotes that you help feel develop character, then leave them. But anytime you can see a place to trim down, go for it.

Part III is giving me the most pause of the three sections. It is very different in tone and pacing. Again, it feels very disconnected to the other parts, which I found distracting. For all the complexity and layered drama of the book, there needs to be some continuity, and some payoff at the end, where everything comes together. There is no clear hero in this part. Our narrator is a traitor, a coward, and rarely evokes sympathy. So it’s hard to feel satisfied at the end. The many digressions are distracting and take the reader too far outside the story itself. I’d suggest cutting down on those. You don’t want the reader’s attention wandering – you want the reader just as sucked into Part III as he was (as I was!) in Parts I and II. I’d go back to this section and really rethink about the impressions you want to leave the reader with. If the climax comes in Part II with the attack on Heydrich, you don’t want all of Part III to be the wrap-up. You want an equal amount of power/emotion running through all three parts. I don’t think Part III is there just yet.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts. I realize I’ve given you a lot to think about. I thoroughly enjoyed Resistance and I’d love to work with you to take it to the next level. My gut feeling is that it’s not there quite as it is, but that it has the potential to get there. If you are interested in discussing any of these points more in-depth, please feel free to write or call anytime. And if you’d like to go back and take another look at the manuscript and make any edits, I’m happy to read another draft.

I look forward to talking to you soon!